I'd sent an email to Carol the night before. Just the usual... checking in, asking for feedback on our adoption profile, requesting our monthly report, thanking Carol and letting her know we were praying for her...
The next day, Michael and I were talking after he got home for work, and my phone buzzed with an email. It seemed that all of my breath was immediately taken from my lungs. I looked over at Michael, tears in my eyes, and couldn't get any words out of my mouth. Finally it came, "We have a baby!" I read Carol's email again. It read: "EEEEKKKKKKKK you have been chosen!!! What number can I call you on?" I frantically searched my phone. How could I not have her number? I finally found it in an old email. Called. No answer. Ah! I sent my number to her, and she called us immediately. She gave us the details she had, which were still coming in. The mother was due that week - any day, in fact. It dawned on us that we could have a baby by the end of the week! A son.
We spent the next few hours waiting for more information, medical records, etc, and scouring social media for more information about the mother. All the while, whispering prayers in my heart. We were over the moon, but also cautious. Infertility had taught us that. We decided to call our parents, but no one else. We made lists galore - what we needed to buy, what to pack, questions we had. But no more information came that night.
The next day I went shopping, ticking things off my handy dandy list. Carol warned us not to buy things, that we weren't "safe" until we had a phone call with the mother to confirm the match. But, of course, I couldn't help myself. I couldn't imagine waiting longer then scrambling at the last minute. After all, I could always return things if it didn't work out.
Finally an appointment was set for us to call the mother that evening. First call - no answer. Panic. Carol told us to keep trying every 15 minutes or so. Three or four calls later, still no answer. So we texted the mother instead. Just as we were going to bed that night, she texted back. She had fallen asleep and missed our calls. What a tremendous relief! We rescheduled our call for the next day at 5:00.
When morning came, the preparations continued. More shopping. Packing. My parents came to get Brewster. I wanted to be prepared to leave at a moment's notice. Five o'clock came and the calls went just as they had the night before. Except this time she didn't text back. So we waited.... again.
No news came for several days. No one was able to contact her, but the social media stalking continued. Thursday, the day she was to be induced, came and went with nothing. Each day that passed, we lost a little more hope, but also started to find peace. Finally, a week later, we saw pictures posted of the sweet baby boy we thought would be our son. So it seems the mother changed her mind.
It's been hard, but we keep reminding ourselves that everyone we've talked to about adoption talks about the ups and downs. They've all had at least one major letdown along the way. Maybe this was our one; maybe it will be our only; maybe it won't. I'm trusting that this is in God's hands and that he is working for the good of those who love him.
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